I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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