my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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