dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
