My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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