i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
