I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize