The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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