i need an iv and a liver transplant
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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