my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
