just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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