what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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