you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's the barista slut.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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