marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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