You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
