My brain says no but my pants say off.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
