Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
