I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
