I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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