Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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