dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
