I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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