Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?

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(619): View more from California

I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got

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(949): View more from California

the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...

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(443): View more from Maryland

THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.

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