She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
