hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
