you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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