you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
