Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
