my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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