I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
