She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
