i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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