You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your cock deserves a montage
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
