i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
