you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Semen is not good for contacts.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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