she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
please come you make the beer taste better
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
