I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
