I cockslap morals
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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