We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
