ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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