i barfeds in our rink
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
