Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize