I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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