can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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