This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
