Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
