Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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