Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
