well I can't set my house on fire every night
Say something about gay babies.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
