morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
