Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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