Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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