I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
