I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
