The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
