When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
