ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
