Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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