I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
