if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
