This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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