i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
