I don't think brook has ever known best
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
