I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
