If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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