soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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