We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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