Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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