too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
