The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
