The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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