please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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