your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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