dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
