I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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