i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize