I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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