Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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