why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize