Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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