curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
