i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just tell him i said nine months
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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