Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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