He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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