New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
