he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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