Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
