im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
