How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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