Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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