You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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