I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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