she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
