You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
