hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
