i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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