I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
