Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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