I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
