Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
