honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
