youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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