I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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