look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I will pee on everything he values.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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